The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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