Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
