I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
