Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
