Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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