Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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