You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
