Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
