why didn't you poke me back
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
