That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
