So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
