after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
