i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
