You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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