I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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