Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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