i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
