Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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