he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
