it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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