Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
