Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
