Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
