I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
