Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
