There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
