i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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