when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
