dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
