the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
