3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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