i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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