i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
