please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
