I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
