Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
