you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm passing your future prison.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
