she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
