This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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