oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
