You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
