Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
