It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
