I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
