yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
