New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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