Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
