I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
