she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
