I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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