Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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