I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
